Tag: Contemporary Romance

Finding My Way Back (Emma’s Journal)

It’s been years since I last wrote.

Three to be exact.

I stopped writing one year after I started dating him.

I didn’t really know why I stopped back then but I did.

I didn’t want to admit to myself that I thought he would find my journals and think they were silly.

Too young for a late twenties girl.

It didn’t occur to me at the time that he made me feel ashamed a lot of the time.

I realize that now.

I just couldn’t see it then.

Looking back, I can finally see it.

I wasn’t just writing less.

I was becoming less… me.

Now, I question everything.

I overthink everything.

I worry I’m annoying.

I worry I’m being childish.

I’m terrified I will offend someone.

I never used to be this way.

I might’ve been a little on the shy side, but I was confident in most things.

School.

Work.

I wasn’t a socialite like my sister Molly, but I was a people person for the most part.

Since the breakup six months ago, I’ve kept to myself more.

I’ve definitely not dated.

No interest there.

It’s hard to trust my own instincts now.

I second-guess everything I say.

Even when someone is kind to me, part of me wonders if I’ve somehow done something wrong.

The strange thing is…

I didn’t notice any of it while I was living it.

Change like that doesn’t happen overnight.

It happens one comment at a time.

One small doubt at a time.

One moment where you decide it’s easier to stay quiet than explain yourself.

Before you know it, you’ve become someone you don’t recognize.

I’m still learning to trust myself again.

Some days are easier than others.

Some days I still replay conversations in my head, wondering if I said the wrong thing.

Some days I still catch myself apologizing for things that don’t need an apology.

But today…

Today I’m writing again.

Maybe that’s how healing begins.

One page at a time.

A note from J. Renae Sinclair

Before Emma reconnects with Josh in Unfinished Melody, she has as story she’s still trying to heal from.

This journal entry offers a glimpse into that chapter of her life.

If you’d like to discover the full story, you can begin with Unfinished Melody.

Connect with Emma on her blog to learn more about her life.

If you want to start at the very beginning, you can read her diary entries.

Emma’s Diary: Memorial Day Weekend, 1988 | Unfinished Melody Bonus Scene

One of my favorite things about writing is exploring moments that happen outside the pages of the novel. This diary entry isn’t included in Unfinished Melody, but it offers a glimpse into thirteen-year-old Emma’s thoughts after one of the happiest evenings of her life. I hope you enjoy this little peek into her world.

Memorial Day Weekend, May 27th, 1988

Dear Diary,

This has been the BEST weekend ever, and it’s only the first day!
Josh came home for Memorial Day weekend. I haven’t seen him in a whole month, and I missed him so much.
After dinner, he asked if I wanted to walk down to the dock with him. He was carrying his guitar, and I kept wondering what he was going to do with it.
We’ve been to the dock lots of times before, but there were always other people there. Tonight it was just us.
When we sat down, he smiled at me and said, “You’re going to love this. I’ve been working on it all week.”
Then he told me I was the first person he wanted to hear it.
Can you believe that?
He started singing, and then he asked me to sing with him.
My heart was beating SO fast.
I love to sing but not in front of people.
Especially not in front of Josh.
But he talked me into it.
He told me he’s heard me singing before when I didn’t even know he was listening.
Eek!
I was so embarrassed.
I took a deep breath, smiled and nodded.
Then he handed me a piece of paper with the words on it.
At first, I just hummed along.
Then I started reading the lyrics and quietly singing with him.
It was a love song.
A LOVE song.
The words were about loving a girl and not wanting her to leave.
Oh my gosh…
Do you think he wrote it about me?
I mean… maybe I’m just dreaming.
But it really felt like he did.
When we finished singing, he smiled at me and said, “Someday, I’ll play this for you again.”
I don’t know why, but when he said that it felt like a promise.
We sat there for a while just looking out at the lake. Neither of us talked very much. We didn’t have to.
“Emma?” he said.
I looked at him.
“Yeah?”
He kept glancing at my lips.
And then…
He kissed me.
Again!!
I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my chest.
He’s kissed me lots of times.
But tonight…
I don’t know.
It just felt different.
We were alone so…
Maybe that’s why it felt different.
My heart was pounding.
When we pulled apart, we just looked at each other for a minute.
Then I heard Mom call, “Emma! Josh!”
I couldn’t help but giggle.
“I guess they’re looking for us,” I said. “We better go back.”
“Yeah,” he said.
He stood up and held out his hand.
I took it.
We walked all the way back to the cabin holding hands.
I didn’t want to let go.
Right before we went inside, he kissed me one more time.
I think this is what having a boyfriend feels like.
Right?
I mean…
He keeps kissing me.
He holds my hand.
He wrote me a song.
So…
I think I’m his girlfriend.
And now everyone is asleep, and I’m writing all of this by flashlight because I don’t ever want to forget tonight.

Have you ever kept a diary or journal? ✍🏻📖

Let me know in the comments.

Curious how their story begins? Read The Prologue first.

If you enjoyed this diary entry, continue the story in Unfinished Melody, available on Amazon

Emma’s Diary: Some Songs Never Leave You

A quiet night in 1996.
A date that should have felt exciting.
And a song that brought old memories rushing back.

Dear Diary,

After work tonight, I went out on a date with a guy I met a couple of weeks ago.

He was nice enough.
He seemed to like me.
And I liked him.

I even agreed to another date.

But when the night ended, I realized I didn’t feel excited the way I thought I would.

Maybe that’s part of the problem.

Daniel has been gone for over a year now.
Adam for two.
And Josh…

Well… many years.

Sometimes love feels too good to be true.
And other times it feels like I’m just going through the motions, hoping eventually I’ll feel something more.

I don’t know.

Does true love just not exist for me?

Everyone I seem to love leaves.

Why can’t I hold on to anyone?

Why did tonight feel so ordinary when I wanted so badly for it not to?

After I got home, this song came on the radio while I was getting ready for bed.

“I Love You Always Forever” by Donna Lewis.

It’s still fairly new, but I know I’ve heard it at work once or twice before.

Tonight was different though.

The second it started playing, I stopped in my tracks.

I sat there staring at the floor while the song filled my bedroom, and somehow all I could see was Josh’s face.

Like no time had passed at all.

I know what you’re probably thinking.

Why does every song somehow lead me back to Josh?

Honestly… I wonder the same thing.

Maybe it’s because music was always such a huge part of our lives.

Molly was always involved in musicals.

Josh was — and still is — in a boyband.

And me?

I’ve always loved music too, even if I can’t sing very well.

I pay attention to lyrics more than anything else.

Music feels like poetry to me.

Beautiful poetry.

Maybe that’s why certain songs still feel like him.

Or maybe some people never completely leave your heart no matter how many years pass.

Read more of Emma’s Diary for a little more history of Emma’s life.

Learn more about Emma and Josh here: Meet the Characters

Emma’s Diary – June 25, 1990

Some memories don’t fade… they linger in the quiet moments.

In this diary entry from 1990, Emma reflects on love, music, and emotions she thought she had left behind.

Inspired by “If Wishes Came True” by Sweet Sensation: YouTube Video

Some memories don’t fade… they just get quieter.

June 25, 1990

Dear Diary,

Today I cried.

Like… really cried. Not just a little.

And I don’t even know why it hit me like that.

I turned on MTV, and there he was.
Josh.

Blue eyes. That smile. His hair all curly like it used to be.
He looked the same… but also not.

They were interviewing Block 213, and I just kind of froze. I didn’t even change the channel. I couldn’t.

I don’t know why.

I mean… I’m with Adam now. I’m supposed to be over all of that.

But then the interview ended, and a song came on.
If Wishes Came True.

I almost changed it. I really did.

But I didn’t.

And I think that’s when everything just… hit me.

I just sat there listening, and all I could think about was him.
About us.

And then I started crying, and I couldn’t stop.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen him. Not really seen him.
The Sunday dinners stopped, and Mom said it was because he’s on tour, but… I don’t know. It feels like more than that.

I miss those dinners.
I miss Mrs. McGuire.
I miss all of them.

I miss him.

And I feel so bad even writing that.

Because Adam is so sweet.
He’s good to me, and he makes me happy.

And I do love him. I really do.

But it’s just… different.

I don’t think I ever stopped loving Josh.
I think I just got used to him not being here.

And now I feel horrible for crying over someone I’m not even supposed to have anymore.

I wish I didn’t feel like this.

But I do.

Anyway, Adam is coming over soon.

I just needed to get this out.

My eyes are probably so puffy.

Hopefully he won’t notice.

…Yeah, right.

He’ll definitely notice.

I should probably find some concealer.

Or something.

I just… don’t want him to ask why I was crying.

Read more about Emma here: Emma’s Diary

Want to know what the story is all about?

Get your copy here: Unfinished Melody — Amazon