A quiet night in 1996.
A date that should have felt exciting.
And a song that brought old memories rushing back.
Dear Diary,
After work tonight, I went out on a date with a guy I met a couple of weeks ago.
He was nice enough.
He seemed to like me.
And I liked him.
I even agreed to another date.
But when the night ended, I realized I didn’t feel excited the way I thought I would.
Maybe that’s part of the problem.
Daniel has been gone for over a year now.
Adam for two.
And Josh…
Well… many years.
Sometimes love feels too good to be true.
And other times it feels like I’m just going through the motions, hoping eventually I’ll feel something more.
I don’t know.
Does true love just not exist for me?
Everyone I seem to love leaves.
Why can’t I hold on to anyone?
Why did tonight feel so ordinary when I wanted so badly for it not to?
After I got home, this song came on the radio while I was getting ready for bed.
“I Love You Always Forever” by Donna Lewis.
It’s still fairly new, but I know I’ve heard it at work once or twice before.
Tonight was different though.
The second it started playing, I stopped in my tracks.
I sat there staring at the floor while the song filled my bedroom, and somehow all I could see was Josh’s face.
Like no time had passed at all.
I know what you’re probably thinking.
Why does every song somehow lead me back to Josh?
Honestly… I wonder the same thing.
Maybe it’s because music was always such a huge part of our lives.
Molly was always involved in musicals.
Josh was — and still is — in a boyband.
And me?
I’ve always loved music too, even if I can’t sing very well.
I pay attention to lyrics more than anything else.
Music feels like poetry to me.
Beautiful poetry.
Maybe that’s why certain songs still feel like him.
Or maybe some people never completely leave your heart no matter how many years pass.
Read more of Emma’s Diary for a little more history of Emma’s life.
Learn more about Emma and Josh here: Meet the Characters
Read more from Emma here: Emma’s Blog
Listen to the song from the diary entry here: I Love You Always Forever – Donna Lewis