coming of age Archives

This Christmas Eve 1988 diary entry reflects on family traditions, meaningful gifts, and the quiet shift that comes with first love.
Some moments don’t feel different until suddenly… they do.

December 25, 1988

Dear Diary,

Last night was Christmas Eve, and Mom, Mitch, Molly, and I went over to Josh’s house for our annual Christmas dinner and gift exchange like we always do.

Josh was home for a little while from touring. I think he said he didn’t have to go back out again until February, which feels like forever but also not long enough at the same time.

The second we walked inside, it smelled like cinnamon. Mom uses the same one at home—I think it’s called Cinnamon Sticks. It’s that Glade one.

I’ve always liked that smell, but for some reason it felt different last night. Warmer, I guess.

The tree was my favorite part. I always loved looking at all the ornaments. Mitch, Molly, and I each had our own personalized one on the tree too.

Mrs. McGuire always thought of us as her kids too.

I think that’s why it has always felt like home there.

Everything felt the same as it always does, but also… not.

Dinner was fun like it always is. Everyone was laughing and talking, and it almost felt like nothing had changed.

After we ate, it was time for presents.

Mrs. McGuire always passed them out first before anyone could open anything. She went around the room one by one, handing them out, and we all just sat there waiting until everyone had a pile in front of them. It’s kind of my favorite part, even though it makes it feel like it takes forever.

Josh and I were sitting next to each other on the floor by the tree, so we could see what the other one got.

Once everyone had their presents, Mrs. McGuire finally said we could start.

I looked down at the pile in front of me, trying to figure out which ones were from him.

Josh leaned a little closer and pointed to one of them.

“That one’s mine,” he said.

I nodded and picked it up, and then pointed to one in his pile.

“That one’s yours,” I told him.

He opened his first.

It was the Boston Red Sox cap and the tickets to a Bruins game. I watched him the whole time, even though I tried not to make it obvious. I don’t know why I felt so nervous all of a sudden. I’ve given him presents a million times before.

And I didn’t get him friendship bracelets this time like I did for his birthday a few years ago.

I don’t even know why I thought about that.

But he smiled when he opened them. Like, really smiled.

Then I opened mine.

The first one was a diary.

It had a really colorful cover with dolphins and bright pink and purple all over it, with a little lock on the front, even though I would probably lose the key.

I smiled when I saw it. I don’t know why, but it felt like a really perfect gift.

Then I opened the other one.

It was a cassette tape.

Block 213 was written across the front.

I turned it over in my hands before looking back at him.

“So you can listen when I’m not here,” he said.

I don’t even have a tape player in my room, but I was already trying to figure out how I was going to listen to it.

That was a special moment.

I hugged him right then and there, even though everyone else was still opening presents. I told him thank you and that I would listen to it every day, and I actually meant it.

I kept looking at the cassette after that, even when I was opening my other gifts.

I don’t know why, but everything felt a little different after that.

Later, when it was time to go home, Josh walked me back across the street.

It was really quiet outside. You could still see Christmas lights on all the houses, and the air felt really cold, but not in a bad way.

We stood there for a second in front of my house like we always do.

He looked at me for a second, and then he leaned in and kissed me.

He’s kissed me before.

But for some reason… it didn’t feel the same.

“Merry Christmas,” he said.

“Merry Christmas,” I said back.

I don’t even know why, but I kept thinking about it after I went inside.

I kept looking at the diary and the tape later that night.

And I kept thinking about that kiss too.

I don’t know why everything felt different all of a sudden.

Now I’m writing in the diary he gave me.

Mom got me a new jambox for Christmas, so I’ve been using it all day.

I’ve listened to the Block 213 tape so much already that I had to stop because I was scared I might wear it out.

So I switched it over to the radio.

There was a song that played a few minutes ago.

I think I heard it last night too, but I didn’t really pay attention to it then.

I think it was called More Than You Know.

But this time…
I actually listened to it.

It didn’t sound like just a song.

It felt like something I was trying not to think about.

Like it was saying something I already knew but didn’t want to say out loud.

I’ve heard songs before that made me think of him.
Like… a lot of them.

But this one felt different.

I don’t even really know how to explain it.

It wasn’t just that it reminded me of him.

It was like…
it meant something.

And the whole time it was playing…
I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Not like before.

This was the song playing on the radio that night—the one she couldn’t stop thinking about:

More Than You Know — Martika (YouTube Video)

Read more diary entries here: Emma’s Diary

Read more about Emma and Josh’s history here: Emma’s First Kiss

Interested in the whole story. Get your copy here: Unfinished Melody — Amazon

This is one of Emma’s childhood diary entries — written at age ten — capturing a quiet moment that stayed with her long after it ended. At the time, she didn’t have the words for what she was feeling. She only knew it mattered.

~ ~ ~

November 5, 1985

Dear Diary,

I think something important happened tonight. Or maybe it just felt important to me.

I went to Mitchell’s basketball game. That doesn’t happen very often because he goes to a private all-boys school and I go to public school. Mom said it was a treat, so I tried to be on my best behavior.

Mitchell told me Josh would be there, but I didn’t know why he felt the need to tell me that. He’s weird sometimes.

When Mom and I got there, Josh’s mom was already sitting in the bleachers. She waved at my mom, and Josh was sitting beside her.

We walked over and Mom sat next to Josh’s mom. I sat on the other side of Mom. Josh smiled at me, and then he nudged his mom and pointed in my direction. She nodded, and he stood up and came over to sit next to me.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” I said back. I looked down at my sneakers because my face felt warm.

“Who do you think will make the winning shot?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Hopefully Mitchell.”

“I hope so too,” he said.

We watched the game for a little while after that. The gym was loud, and the whistle kept making me jump. The floor squeaked every time someone ran past, and the scoreboard lights blinked so bright it hurt my eyes if I stared at them too long.

Josh leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and pointed at the court. “That’s Mitchell,” he said, even though I already knew. I nodded anyway.

Our arms were really close. Like almost touching. I tried not to move because I didn’t want to mess it up.

Someone behind us started clapping really loud, and it startled me. Josh laughed a little and looked at me. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I said, even though my heart was beating fast for no reason.

At halftime, Josh’s mom asked if we wanted popcorn. He went with her, and when he came back, he handed me the bag first.

“Here,” he said. “You can have some.”

“Thanks,” I said. I tried to grab just a little, but my fingers touched his, and I pulled my hand back really fast. He didn’t say anything, but he smiled.

I liked that smile.

When the game started again, Mitchell made a basket, and I clapped so hard my hands stung. Josh clapped too and yelled Mitchell’s name. I liked that he did that.

Toward the end of the game, Josh leaned over again.

“If Mitchell makes the last shot,” he said, “you have to sit next to me at the next game too.”

I blinked. “What if our moms sit between us again?”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll move.”

I didn’t know why that made my chest feel warm.

“Okay,” I said.

Mitchell didn’t make the last shot. The buzzer went off, and everyone stood up at the same time.

Josh smiled at me. “Still counts,” he said. Then, quieter, “I’m moving anyway.”

I smiled back before I even realized I was doing it.

After the game, everyone started talking and moving around. Mom stood up to talk to Josh’s mom, and I thought Josh would go back over there, but he stayed next to me for a second longer.

“Hey, Em?” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you came tonight.”

“Me too,” I said.

And I meant it.

On the way home, Mom asked if I had fun. I said yes, but I didn’t tell her why. I didn’t know how.

All I know is that sitting next to Josh felt different than it used to. Like something changed, but I couldn’t see it — only feel it.

I think I’ll remember tonight for a long time.

— Emma

~ ~ ~

Read more Diary Entries: The Day I Realized I Like Josh McGuire | The Summer Cookout

Listen to the song that inspired the story: Please Don’t Go Girl NKOTB from the guys who sang the song: https://www.nkotb.com/

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Emma’s Diary: Christmas Eve, 1988

The Night Something Changed