This Christmas Eve 1988 diary entry reflects on family traditions, meaningful gifts, and the quiet shift that comes with first love.
Some moments donāt feel different until suddenlyā¦ they do.
December 25, 1988
Dear Diary,
Last night was Christmas Eve, and Mom, Mitch, Molly, and I went over to Joshās house for our annual Christmas dinner and gift exchange like we always do.
Josh was home for a little while from touring. I think he said he didnāt have to go back out again until February, which feels like forever but also not long enough at the same time.
The second we walked inside, it smelled like cinnamon. Mom uses the same one at homeāI think itās called Cinnamon Sticks. Itās that Glade one.
Iāve always liked that smell, but for some reason it felt different last night. Warmer, I guess.
The tree was my favorite part. I always loved looking at all the ornaments. Mitch, Molly, and I each had our own personalized one on the tree too.
Mrs. McGuire always thought of us as her kids too.
I think thatās why it has always felt like home there.
Everything felt the same as it always does, but alsoā¦ not.
Dinner was fun like it always is. Everyone was laughing and talking, and it almost felt like nothing had changed.
After we ate, it was time for presents.
Mrs. McGuire always passed them out first before anyone could open anything. She went around the room one by one, handing them out, and we all just sat there waiting until everyone had a pile in front of them. Itās kind of my favorite part, even though it makes it feel like it takes forever.
Josh and I were sitting next to each other on the floor by the tree, so we could see what the other one got.
Once everyone had their presents, Mrs. McGuire finally said we could start.
I looked down at the pile in front of me, trying to figure out which ones were from him.
Josh leaned a little closer and pointed to one of them.
āThat oneās mine,ā he said.
I nodded and picked it up, and then pointed to one in his pile.
āThat oneās yours,ā I told him.
He opened his first.
It was the Boston Red Sox cap and the tickets to a Bruins game. I watched him the whole time, even though I tried not to make it obvious. I donāt know why I felt so nervous all of a sudden. Iāve given him presents a million times before.
And I didnāt get him friendship bracelets this time like I did for his birthday a few years ago.
I donāt even know why I thought about that.
But he smiled when he opened them. Like, really smiled.
Then I opened mine.
The first one was a diary.
It had a really colorful cover with dolphins and bright pink and purple all over it, with a little lock on the front, even though I would probably lose the key.
I smiled when I saw it. I donāt know why, but it felt like a really perfect gift.
Then I opened the other one.
It was a cassette tape.
Block 213 was written across the front.
I turned it over in my hands before looking back at him.
āSo you can listen when Iām not here,ā he said.
I donāt even have a tape player in my room, but I was already trying to figure out how I was going to listen to it.
That was a special moment.
I hugged him right then and there, even though everyone else was still opening presents. I told him thank you and that I would listen to it every day, and I actually meant it.
I kept looking at the cassette after that, even when I was opening my other gifts.
I donāt know why, but everything felt a little different after that.
Later, when it was time to go home, Josh walked me back across the street.
It was really quiet outside. You could still see Christmas lights on all the houses, and the air felt really cold, but not in a bad way.
We stood there for a second in front of my house like we always do.
He looked at me for a second, and then he leaned in and kissed me.
Heās kissed me before.
But for some reasonā¦ it didnāt feel the same.
āMerry Christmas,ā he said.
āMerry Christmas,ā I said back.
I donāt even know why, but I kept thinking about it after I went inside.
I kept looking at the diary and the tape later that night.
And I kept thinking about that kiss too.
I donāt know why everything felt different all of a sudden.
Now Iām writing in the diary he gave me.
Mom got me a new jambox for Christmas, so Iāve been using it all day.
Iāve listened to the Block 213 tape so much already that I had to stop because I was scared I might wear it out.
So I switched it over to the radio.
There was a song that played a few minutes ago.
I think I heard it last night too, but I didnāt really pay attention to it then.
I think it was called More Than You Know.
But this timeā¦
I actually listened to it.
It didnāt sound like just a song.
It felt like something I was trying not to think about.
Like it was saying something I already knew but didnāt want to say out loud.
Iāve heard songs before that made me think of him.
Likeā¦ a lot of them.
But this one felt different.
I donāt even really know how to explain it.
It wasnāt just that it reminded me of him.
It was likeā¦
it meant something.
And the whole time it was playingā¦
I couldnāt stop thinking about him.
Not like before.
This was the song playing on the radio that nightāthe one she couldnāt stop thinking about:
More Than You Know ā Martika (YouTube Video)
Read more diary entries here: Emma’s Diary
Read more about Emma and Josh’s history here:Ā Emma’s First Kiss
Interested in the whole story. Get your copy here: Unfinished Melody ā Amazon
